"Honey, I went to that super-awesome shopping site you showed me the other day. You know, the one that has a couple of great specials daily? Well, I bought a couple of things, one's great, the other you may get mad about..."
"oh, please don't say you bought the bulbs"
"I got these LED lightbulbs, 4 for $10! Such a good deal, I bought 8!"
"You realize those are only 15-watt equivalent, right? Good as nightlights and that's it."
"But they're cheap! And look just like the ones you freaked out over in the store the other day, but THOSE were $15 each! We just got 8 for $20, plus shipping!"
"..."
"sigh"
"So, what was the 'bad' purchase?"
"Oh. I also got an unused Israli gasmask for $17."
"SWEET! FUCK YEAH!!!"
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Is it because he feels pretty?
While on vacation for a week, the dogs stayed at a boarding kennel. I'd have liked to take them along, but honestly....yeah. no. Between the two of them, I have one perfect traveling companion. Unfortunately, I can't just butcher two canines and hope my sewing skills are adequate enough to form a single living being.
THAT'S RIGHT, WORLD! I AM FEMALE, AND CANNOT CREATE A LIVING BEING WITH THREAD AND PUPPIES!
Ahem.
Anyway, back to the dogs. The beagle is great in cars, he loves going for rides. Unfortunately, he cannot be trusted alone in a hotel room or vehicle (not that I'd want to leave him in the car, but sometimes you do have to gas up or go to the bathroom...) The minute there is a barrier between him and the person he's with, the howling begins. And continues. We're talking hours here, folks. I could be gone for eight hours, and by the time I came back, he'd still be barking and crying his little head off, even with a throat so hoarse it sounds like I beat him on a regular basis. Which sometimes I have considered.
That, and he trashes wherever he is when left alone. Can't kennel the little bastard either, because he destroys kennels. Seriously, this dog is great as long as you NEVER LEAVE HIM ALONE.
Thankfully, we've come up with a solution to the dog who cannot be left alone: Zuul. This hairy mutt (we think it's a dog, but that's very debatable) for some reason calms Charlie down. He can even be in a kennel, and Charlie running loose, but for some reason Charlie barely even howls, and rarely destroys things. It's odd, but I'll take it.
That being said, charlie *does* bark enough when left home alone that I'm confident in saying he'd get us kicked out of our hotel if we ever left him there. And bringing Zuul along is out of the question anyway, since he goes all Alderaan and leaves explosion bits in his wake. Not pretty, I assure you.
Ohmygosh, this has been an insane introduction. Sorry! Back to the story:
So, dogs stayed at a boarding kennel for a week in the middle of nowhere. After picking them up, they staaaaaaaank to high heaven. Seeing how Zuul was also due for a grooming session (keeping the dingleberries and cockleburs to a minimum is always a good thing), I just dropped them off at their hairdresser, leaving instructions to give them full brazilians.
Here's what mystifies me, though. After I brought the freshly-groomed mutts back home, they decided it was time for a sex session. That lasted for HOURS. HOURS, PEOPLE!!
I wonder if it's because they both feel pretty, or because of their brush with almost certain death (aka a bath and haircut, as well as two car rides).
Thoughts?
THAT'S RIGHT, WORLD! I AM FEMALE, AND CANNOT CREATE A LIVING BEING WITH THREAD AND PUPPIES!
Ahem.
Anyway, back to the dogs. The beagle is great in cars, he loves going for rides. Unfortunately, he cannot be trusted alone in a hotel room or vehicle (not that I'd want to leave him in the car, but sometimes you do have to gas up or go to the bathroom...) The minute there is a barrier between him and the person he's with, the howling begins. And continues. We're talking hours here, folks. I could be gone for eight hours, and by the time I came back, he'd still be barking and crying his little head off, even with a throat so hoarse it sounds like I beat him on a regular basis. Which sometimes I have considered.
That, and he trashes wherever he is when left alone. Can't kennel the little bastard either, because he destroys kennels. Seriously, this dog is great as long as you NEVER LEAVE HIM ALONE.
Thankfully, we've come up with a solution to the dog who cannot be left alone: Zuul. This hairy mutt (we think it's a dog, but that's very debatable) for some reason calms Charlie down. He can even be in a kennel, and Charlie running loose, but for some reason Charlie barely even howls, and rarely destroys things. It's odd, but I'll take it.
That being said, charlie *does* bark enough when left home alone that I'm confident in saying he'd get us kicked out of our hotel if we ever left him there. And bringing Zuul along is out of the question anyway, since he goes all Alderaan and leaves explosion bits in his wake. Not pretty, I assure you.
Ohmygosh, this has been an insane introduction. Sorry! Back to the story:
So, dogs stayed at a boarding kennel for a week in the middle of nowhere. After picking them up, they staaaaaaaank to high heaven. Seeing how Zuul was also due for a grooming session (keeping the dingleberries and cockleburs to a minimum is always a good thing), I just dropped them off at their hairdresser, leaving instructions to give them full brazilians.
Here's what mystifies me, though. After I brought the freshly-groomed mutts back home, they decided it was time for a sex session. That lasted for HOURS. HOURS, PEOPLE!!
I wonder if it's because they both feel pretty, or because of their brush with almost certain death (aka a bath and haircut, as well as two car rides).
Thoughts?
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Perils of groceries
Conversation at the checkout:
Cashier: Oh, you must be having a cocktail party?
Me: hm?
Cashier gestures to the numerous bottles of wine, crackers, and wafer cookies
Me: Oh, no. I just like wine and my husband loves cookies.
Probably should reconsider my standard grocery list.
Guess it's not much of a conversation, but enjoy.
Definitely getting into that wine on my next day off...
Cashier: Oh, you must be having a cocktail party?
Me: hm?
Cashier gestures to the numerous bottles of wine, crackers, and wafer cookies
Me: Oh, no. I just like wine and my husband loves cookies.
Probably should reconsider my standard grocery list.
Guess it's not much of a conversation, but enjoy.
Definitely getting into that wine on my next day off...
Monday, October 3, 2011
Never trust a beagle.
I've finally realized why Sir Charles of Chunk's diet has been working so well, and mine has not. HE IS A SHITTY DIET COMPANION.
I'm all like, "Here is your food for today. Enjoy it, buddy."
He, on the other hand, is all "Oh my gosh you're in the kitchen!! I love the kitchen! Let's have food! I do a cute and goofy dance and then you can reward me with a treat like these cookies riiiiiiiiight over here. See? Yummy! Now drop one, woman." And Zuul wanders in all "can has'ing?" but his anus explodes violently every time he eats anything, and rather than make him sad by giving charles a cookie and not Zuul, I just eat the entire fucking bag to destroy the temptation.
FAIL.
I'm all like, "Here is your food for today. Enjoy it, buddy."
He, on the other hand, is all "Oh my gosh you're in the kitchen!! I love the kitchen! Let's have food! I do a cute and goofy dance and then you can reward me with a treat like these cookies riiiiiiiiight over here. See? Yummy! Now drop one, woman." And Zuul wanders in all "can has'ing?" but his anus explodes violently every time he eats anything, and rather than make him sad by giving charles a cookie and not Zuul, I just eat the entire fucking bag to destroy the temptation.
FAIL.
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